Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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