just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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