forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
