I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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