burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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