I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize