Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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