There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
When are your genitals available?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
