Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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