I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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