Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I looked at my own cervix.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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