why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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