I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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