we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
