Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
