I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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