Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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