the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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