he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
