please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
