this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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