ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
