I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
