somebody snuck up and got me drunk
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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