Buhtt sex?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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