Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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