at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
