don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
