He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You are the jesus of drinking
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
