Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
