you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
