Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
