theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
