At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
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truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
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also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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