Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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