my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize