her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
