Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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