I skipped work to stalk him.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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