It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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