Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
