Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
