Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
