woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
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Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
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I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.