Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(806): View more from Texas

We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.

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(815): View more from Illinois

thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.

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(217): View more from Illinois

yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think

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(330): View more from Ohio

Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.

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(312): View more from Illinois

Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.

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