I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize