how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
