I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
