Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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