She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
birth control should be required to get into college
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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