this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
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I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
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I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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