The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
