we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
