i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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