someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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