Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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