you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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