When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
