I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
