Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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