you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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