In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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