The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
