im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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