I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Of course I have a pirate flag
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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