youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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