4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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