I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You are the jesus of drinking
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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