My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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