at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
