dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
