My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
my poor anus
How does one acquire holy water?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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