I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
