So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Found your dick twin last night
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Sorry my hands just texted you
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
